Road Trip Letters #5

Dear Family,

You hurt me more than any other people I have ever known. Every time I press in to know you better, and love you with an intentional love, you shut me out. You kick me, gauge my eyes, rip my ears, and slit my throat. You relegate me to a lesser me. I enter in your company as a strong and confident man. But I have many a time left you a voiceless, deafened and visionless boy with crushed bones.

I am intent in loving you. I will always love you. But I will make this clear. I will not make my home with you if the conditions of our current engagement remains the same.

I do not want to live complacently in an atmosphere of dishonesty and shame-driven secrets.

I want to speak honestly and openly to you. I want us to embrace forgiveness and learn to be understanding. I want us to talk through things instead of ignoring and stuffing them.

I don’ want to shout and scream unless we are willingly, and readily, open to admit and forgive.

I do not want to live in fear. I want to be unafraid to say what’s on my heart. And I want to be humble enough hear what is on your heart too.   

I am restless in trying.

I cannot do the “he said-she said” bit. Let us speak face to face and heart to heart.

I yield my right to be independent of you. But I won’t sacrifice myself to overt abuse.

Please don’t shut me out. My intentions to clear the air are only to draw us closer. Let us mend the frayed stiches.

Here is my outstretched hand. I am extending an invitation for reconciliation.

Honesty is akin to be nakedness. Nakedness is akin to vulnerability. Vulnerability is akin to intimacy.

I am willing to bare all to receive the all- whatever that may be.

I long to be close to you- all of you. Me being truly who I am. And you being truly who you are.

I love you,

Friar   

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