Of Celibacy and Your Love

My Prayer: I choose celibacy. I choose the celibate life. I give over my idols of sex, marriage, and relational fulfillment. I admit that I have made marriage and intimate relationships idols. I have so desperately wanted to be close to someone. Just one.

I have screamed, ached, and agonized over an improper perspective. Marriage and relationships, in the end, will not erase the loneliness that You have placed within me.

This I know. This I believe. This, however, has not caught up to my emotions and to my heart.

Oh, how You strike me with such heavy blows. But in the same vein and with the same fist You strike me with joy, love, and ecstasy unrivaled by any other. Let me live to taste and see the latter of the two aspects.

Make my eyes see and experience the illustrious fire that is so aptly named- Your Love.  Draw me into Your all-consuming fire. Though You singe me, I will all the more approach Your heat and intensity.

Though my heart is weak, faint, and failing I will pursue You. Though I know not of which way You will satisfy my soul, I trust You.

When You apportion my daily bread today- fill me with loaf for the lonely. Give me the bread that satisfies the angst within me. Assuage my dear soul. Lift up my chin.

Help me to see what you see, hear what you hear, feel what you feel, be moved by what moves you and bear the consequences of such living.

God’s Answer: Let them know. Share. I love you!

Friar Francis

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